the loss of leo
by WIWJ
Summary: It's the end of an era... this is the last chapter.. there is a sequel though if you'll indulge me..
1. Chapter 1

Leo McGarry was dead.

Matt Santos did not know what to worry about first.

Josh had stumbled back into his chair like he had been physically hit. They were at campaign headquarters in Chicago, a set of conference rooms of the Hilton.

"Wait Annabeth, what's? What's happened to Leo?" Lou hadn't even been able to make out her words when Annabeth had called. She'd quickly hit speaker phone just before she burst out with it.

"He died. I went to wake him and he was dead!" Matt had spun on his heals, his eyes falling on Josh who had dropped wordlessly into a chair.

"What?" Lou had said quietly picking up the receiver.

Josh had sat quietly for a few minutes before starting to list off things that needed to be done. Matt had tried to regain control. He'd stood and put his hand on Josh's shoulder only to have him pull away.

"Give me the phone." Josh said absently. "We need to.. W- We need to.."

Louise had been the one to interrupt his impending spew of instructions.

"I'll take care of it. Josh go upstairs." She'd looked at him sternly.

"No, there's stuff that needs to be-. We've got to.." His eyes were gone, staring at something very far away.

"You can not possibly do your job right now." Lou insisted, standing in front of him until he looked at her. "I've got it, Josh."

Matt waited for Josh to yell, instead he nodded, making his way out the door.

Josh's assistant had watched his boss walk out the door, then picked up his cell phone and frantically hit the number one of his speed dial.

"How fast can you get here?" He almost yelled into the phone as he walked out of the room.

It was an hour later that Donna Moss had crashed through the door, followed by Santos' wife.

"Donna, I am so sor-" Matt started to comfort her. She was frustrated at her cell phone, slamming it shut before speaking.

"Josh." She demanded making eye contact with the Congressmen. "Where is Josh? I have to get to Josh."

"He's upstairs. Donna-" Matt was stopped again by Donna's controlled voice.

"Room number?" She demanded to Josh's assistant Bram He mumbled out the number, looking down at the paper in front of him. "KEY!" The boy quickly complied. Santos decided keeping Josh's second key card must have been on the list of 'How to handle Josh' he knew that Donna had given him. She held the key card in her hand, looking up at Lou quickly.

"You got this? Because if this gets messed up, He's going to-." Donna's emotional state was lost somewhere between rage and fear, Santos noticed, but the only thing in her voice was Josh-like determination.

"I've got it. Donna, Go. He needs you." Donna nodded curtly and ran towards the elevators.

* * *

She raced out of the elevator towards Josh's room. If she hadn't looked up in time, she might have tripped over him. He sat on the ground his head resting on the door, knees sticking out crookedly in either direction. His hands gripped the sides of his head like he did when he was panicked.

"Josh?" She said softly. He looked up at her with glassy eyes, his lips parted.

"Donna?" The words came out of his mouth in a slow breath, lips unmoving as if he didn't have the energy to speak. Donna new that voice, it broke her heart how many times she'd had to hear it. She walked over to him dropping in front of him. "I just tried to call you."

"Why are you sitting out here?" She ran the back of her hand across his cheek. He held up his key card, looking at her with his lost eyes.

"I can't-. You know how I can't ever-.I couldn't…" She took the card from him and opened the door, she felt him take the hand that had been hanging at her side in both of his. Rubbing her fingers with his thumbs. "Donna.."

"Come on," she said softly. "Lets get you out of the hall." He nodded as she let him slip into the room ahead of her, pulling her in behind him. He walked to the bed and sat down defeated.

"I did this to him." She had been waiting for it, it was why she'd ran from the speech site to the car, and then car to the hotel.

"No. No, Josh, you did not." She put her hands on his shoulders pushing him back to get a look at his face. "This is not your fault Josh. It is _not _your fault."

"I made him do this Donna, he wasn't strong enough and I made him.."

"No one makes Leo McGarry do anything, Josh." She interrupted.

"Made." He said softly looking up at her, tears pooling in his eyes. "No one made Leo do anything." She took his face in her hands and wiped the tears off his cheeks.

"You are not responsible for this." She pushed her eyes into his, trying to convince him. "They're saying he had a brain aneurysm, Josh. It wasn't a heart attack."

"I'm a jinx or a curse or something." He said looking away from her. "Everything I touch goes to hell. Everyone I love leaves me."

"Joshua, that is not true." She said sternly, pulling her head up to her face again.

"You left me. Even you." His voice broke as he closed his eyes to keep from looking at her. "Every one I love, every one I count on leaves. Even you."

"But I came back." She insisted. "Josh, look at me." His eyes slipped open, tears sliding down his cheeks. "I came back." He wrapped his arms around her waist, laying his head against her flat stomach. "I'm here now."

"I can't do this with out him, Donna. I can't." She moved her fingers across his scalp as he spoke, hypnotizing him to relax. "What if I really can't do this with out him?"

"You can and you will, but that's not what's important now." She tilted his head back up to hers. "Leo's what's important now. We go home and take care of Leo."

"Home." He said softly. "The President? CJ, oh God, Toby. We've got to, we've got to-."

"No, I talked to Bram on the drive up here. I told him what to do and who to call. I called CJ, she's going to call everyone else." He started to protest that CJ was not allowed to talk to Toby, she put her finger up to his lips. "I talked to Sam, he's calling Toby." He furrowed his eyebrows, silently asking her with his eyes what she had left for him to do. "Your going to take a shower, eat some dinner and then lie down. CJ's sending the plane for us in the morning." He opened his mouth to argue but she pressed her finger tighter. "Joshua, it will wait three days. It will all still be here in three days. Your tired. Hell, Josh, I'm tired. We both know, from experience, that I won't sleep if you don't. So, if you won't sleep for you then sleep for me."

"I'll sleep for you." He smiled at her now, tears slipping past his dimples. She brushed them away as more took their place.

"Shower." She ordered.

* * *

She was right, he needed a shower. He let the hot water pound against his face as he tried to go through a mental check list. His mind kept drifting back to Leo; eight years ago tempting him to listen to Bartlett speak, thanking him for his help when he'd momentarily lost his sobriety, holding Donna in his arms at the hospital after he was shot. He remembered the story of the man in the hole. _As long as I have a job, you have a job. _

* * *

She could cry now. Donna listened to the shower running on the other side of the door through her tears until it stopped. She dried her eyes and focused on helping Josh. She'd pulled out his pajama pants and a T-shirt and hung them with a towel on a hook in the bathroom.

She'd ordered room service and called his doctor, then the pharmacy. Josh came out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed. He looked at Donna before flipping on MSNBC. He wasn't sure which of 'the rules' were in play here, and he didn't want to break Donna's rules. It was her rules that got him through things like this. She nodded at him, before turning towards the soft knock on the door.

The hotel worker pushed in the food cart, as Josh watched a montage of Leo's greatest hits fill the screen. He didn't notice the room service, or the man handing Donna a small white bag that she had to sign for. He was engrossed in the photos flashing on the screen when Donna handed the young man a tip.

"Thank you, Mrs. Lyman." Only then did he look up. Donna smiled at the boy as she closed the door behind him.

"That hasn't happened in a while." He said to her softly. It used to happen all the time. Staff at restaurants; hotels, the hospitals they'd both been in, in fact almost everywhere, had assumed, at one time or another, that Donna was his wife.

"Yeah." She said for a moment still facing the door. She'd always loved it when that happened. She'd never corrected them and neither had he. It was an acknowledgment of what they were to each other, who the could have been. "It's been a long time."

"Come watch this with me." He moved his hand to the spot beside him and she obediently complied, bringing the tray of food and the bag with her. She looked at Leo on the screen.

She'd seen him just yesterday, she and Helen were headed to a college campus south of Chicago. Leo was going to St. Louis. They would meet up in Chicago with Josh and Santos in two days. He'd asked her how**_ it_** was going. She'd smiled at him reluctantly.

_ Give him time_. _Leo had said_. _He'll let his guard back down. Donna, he needs you._

She knew that Leo had brought her here. Sure, Lou had hired her, but only because Leo had asked him to. Things were getting hard for Josh and they were only going to get worse. He need her on board. Despite the fact he couldn't seem to bring himself to hire her.

Donna looked at Josh now, his eyes blurry and red, taking in the moments from Leo's life flashing on the screen. He felt her gaze, lacing his fingers around hers, eyes never breaking from the TV. She removed the plate cover from the chicken sandwich she'd ordered, holding it up to him. He took it and had a bite before tilting it back towards her. She leaned over and took a bite of her own before laying her head on Josh's shoulder.

They'd sat there for a long time watching. Will announced Leo's death formally from the White House Pressroom. Fielding questions about how, who knew when and what it meant for the campaign. That's when Donna turned the TV off. Josh looked at her broken hearted.

"Not tonight. Three days remember?"

"We need to say something."

"I'm sure we have. Lou's taking care of things in the Santos camp." Josh looked alarmed for a moment, before nodding in defeat. Donna wrestled with the bag beside her, producing two prescription bottles. He looked down at them, fresh tears coming to his eyes. She wiped them away, waiting for him to argue and say he didn't need them. Instead he pressed his forehead against hers, extending an open palm towards her. She kissed his head, pulling back to drop two pills into his hand before handing him a glass of water.

"What's the blue one?" He asked recognizing the other.

"It's to help you sleep." She said simply, he nodded at her.

"Are you going to stay?" His voice was shy and unsure. She felt the guilt returning to her chest.

"You want me to?" _Of course he does._

"Of course I do." He was thankful she had said want and not need. "You always do."

She had always stayed on the nights he had to take the small beige pill. It started in the ER on Christmas eve. The nurse had handed them to Donna.

"_Your husband's doctor called these in. He said to make sure he took one before he went to sleep tonight and then the rest of them are as necessary. You should watch him closely to make sure he tolerates them okay." _

Donna had nodded, slipping far to easily into the devoted wife persona. She'd stayed that night with him. Hell, she'd stayed for two weeks, carefully watching him for any sign that he could possibly consider hurting himself again. The PTSD had scared her, in a way even more than the shooting. After the shooting he was still Josh. With the PTSD, he was scary and unpredictable.

She was scared again now. She knew this was going to be harder for Josh. She knew why he walked so fast

"Come on." She instructed, pulling back the covers and watching him slip underneath them. She laid next to him on the bed for a while, stroking his hair as the medicine and sleepless nights lulled him deeper into unconsciousness.

"Donna?" He had whispered it at some point before he was finally asleep.

"I'm right here." She assured him, kissing his forehead. Only when she was completely sure he was out, she slipped into the bathroom, turned the shower on and cried.

* * *

Helen Santos had thought her first ride on Air Force 1 would have been more exciting. She had known Leo McGarry personally for less than a year. She had known Josh Lymann a bit longer and Donna Moss a bit less. She could tell by the way Josh responded to Donna, Leo had been right.

It was little over a month ago. Honestly? Only a month? It felt so much longer than that. She, Leo and Matt had been having 'the Donna conversation', without knowing a thing about Donna.

"_He got us into this and now he's falling apart_!" _She had yelled at Leo and her husband. "The staff is scared of him. The press hates him. Hell, I don't like him too much either! He's fired everyone I like."_

"_He's stressed, Honey. He has a stressful job right now."_

"_Well I'm sure Leo's cardiologist can tell us all what a stress free position 'Chief of Staff' is!" She'd yelled._

"_Helen!" Matt had been shocked. Leo had just smiled._

"_It's taken care of." He'd said in a light voice._

"_What do you mean?" Matt had asked. Helen thought how strange it was how he had gone from trusting Josh about Leo, to now trusting Leo about Josh._

"_He hasn't been working to his potential. Something's been missing." Leo had said calmly. "But that's about to change." Helen was about to go off again when Matt cocked his head. _

"_How did we get back what he was missing?" The presidential candidate had asked. A long slow smirk had formed on Leo's face._

_ "I had Lou hire her this afternoon." _

He was right. Josh listened to Donna. She could disarm him, put him in his place like no one else. She also seemed to anticipate his every thought. Helen had seen her, on more than one occasion, nonchalantly handing a frantic Josh his 'missing file' while she was still on the phone. She never missed a beat. Helen had seen the list she'd handed Bram and the looks of disgust she tossed at him when he screwed it up. She'd seen the way Josh looked at her before making decisions, as if the mere sight of her allowed him to focus. It made had almost made her jealous.

She glanced over at them now, they sat facing the area where she was sitting. She was on the phone, his head resting on her shoulder, as she lazily brushed his hair off of his fore head. This plane was there turf, they were calm here. Helen knew Donna was talking to CJ Craig. She could tell by the way she kept breaking into tears and repeating the same encouragement to her. Each time she started to cry Josh's head would move on her shoulder, burrowing against her as if to tell her he was there. When it became too much, Josh took the phone from her.

"We'll be home in two hours, CJ. Hang on we're coming." He had sounded much stronger than he looked at this moment, wrapped up in the embrace of the _someone_ he'd been missing. "We're coming home."

Helen realized that soon they would be home. It was home for them, DC and the White House. It was where they had lived and worked for years. It was the place that Josh seemed to be frantic to return to and now she knew why. It was where he could be closest friendships had been there. Their _family_, and that family had become scattered, fragmented and frustrated, and it had just lost it's patriarch.

She watched Josh now, adjusting how they were sitting until Donna's head was on his chest and he was brushing _his_ hands through _her_ hair.

"She's so scared, Josh. She's worried about the President, she's worried about Toby." Donna's voice broke into soft tears.

"Danny's there. We'll be there soon."

"I don't want to go home first, okay?We just go right to the West Wing." She pleaded. Helen raised her eyes at the word home. Just how close where they?

"That's fine. I'll have Bram take our stuff to the townhouse." That close, huh? Helen thought.

"I'm glad we had Ellie's wedding." She smiled at that. "We all got to be together."

"Almost." He added.

"Will they let him come to the funeral?" Donna's voice squeaked out of her throat. Zigler. They were talking about Toby Zigler.

"I don't know, Donna." Josh sighed leaning his head back against the seat. "You should sleep. We won't be there for an hour or so."

"You should sleep." It amazed Helen thatDonna could sound both patronizing and concerned at the same time.

"I know." Josh let the word out in a sigh that made Donna gather his hand in hers.

"We won't thought." She was almost asleep already. Helen saw Josh smile, realizing that.

"We can sleep tonight when we get home." He told her. _We_ can sleep… when _we_ get home.

"We won't do that either, Joshua. Not after everyone gets there." She was very clearly falling asleep.

Joshua? Helen suddenly felt like she was in the middle of a very private conversation. One being held in a normal speaking voice in a very public place, but private just the same. Josh and Donna were used to this plane being filled with noisy people, deep in there own important business. Not aroom with just a few quietgrievers. It hadnever occurred to them to speak softly.

"That's why you should sleep now, Donnatella." Josh's voice was playful. Helen Santos had never heard him sound playful. "I'll need 're going to have to prop me up by the end of this. Sleep for me."

"Okay." Her lips barely moved with the word as she gave into her fatigue.

Helen Santos had never heard Josh admit that he may in fact need anyone either. She realized she had also never seen Josh alone with the woman he loved until now. Josh turned out the light above them and starred out the window.

* * *

"Margaret?" Danny heard Josh Lyman say quietly. He craned his head towards the door to see Josh and Donna walked towards CJ's office that would always be Leo's office. It would soon, God willing, be Josh's office. The woman rose to meet them, her soaked face breaking into a whole new flood of tears. Donna walked ahead of Josh to catch Margaret in her arms before Josh had to.

Josh smiled at Danny Conncanon moving around in side. He walked towards the door way as Danny waved him in.

"Josh." CJ began softly, rising to her feet. "Oh, Josh." He hugged CJ. Looking helplessly at Danny who looked down at the floor. "I'm so glad your home." She released him from her grip and turned towards Donna who had just entered the room. "Welcome back home."

"I didn't think we'd be back this soon." She squeezed CJ tighter. "I wish we didn't have to be."

"How is he?" Josh asked as CJ and Donna parted. He gestured towards the door to the Oval. Donna slipped back beside Josh, sitting on the edge of the desk behind him. Danny put his hand on CJ's shoulder at the mention of Bartlett.

"Not good." She closed her eyes again, then looked to Danny.

"Charlie just took him back to the residence. The First Lady's on her way back from Spain with Zoë." Danny told them. "Ellie's turning around and heading back from Acapulco. Liz is still down south. She's trying to get back here. Honestly, I think she doesn't want to be the first one back after everything."

"God help us if there's a national emergency, Josh." CJ choked. "We were a skeleton crew before this, and now we're just falling apart."

Danny saw Josh tense, his guilt and duty radiating through him.

"You've gotten through things like this before, CJ. We all have." Donna said softly put her hand on Josh's back. "I know we can't help you, but we can support you as best we can."

"We can at least get you Charlie back." Josh mumbled. "Would that help?" Donna silently pleaded with CJ to nod and sighed in relief when she did. They both hugged her and Danny again before walking across the lobby to the East Wing.

"He looks better than I thought he would." CJ whispered to Danny as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"He's got Donna." Danny said smiling at her. "And you have me."

* * *

Debbie sat guard, next to the two Marines and Secret Service agents outside of the residence. Her eyes lit up when she saw them, together again, walking towards her.

"If you guys aren't a site for sore eyes!" She gathered them both up in a hug.

"How is he?" Josh said softly looking towards the residence.

"How do you think?" Debbie walked in a head of them.

Josh took Donna's hand and walked towards the door.

"Sir? Josh and Donna here to see you."

"Send them in." Debbie was struck by Charlie's voice answering. It broke her heart. She glanced back at Josh, his eyes were closed, he'd noticed it too. Donna reached up and touched his chest with her free hand.

"Let's go."

Debbie watched them walk in before closing the door and returning to her self appointed spot in the security detail.

* * *

Charlie Young noticed how Donna was pulling Josh into the room, despite her efforts to make it look to the contrary. The guilt literally seemed to be radiating from him, Charlie could feel it. He watched the President stand up to meet them with shaky step. He saw Donna reach her hand out to steady him, making it look like a gesture of greeting. Apparently Josh's pride was not the only one she was protecting these days.

Josh looked at him out of the corner of his eye and Charlie nodded, trying to reassure the man who had given him his chance. He realized that Leo was the one who had done that for Josh and his heart ached for him. No wonder he looks so lost. Josh had stiffened a little as Donna had released his hand to 'catch' Bartlett. It made Charlie wish harder that Zoë was here.

Today, his future-son-in-law status had propelled him to the head of the line. With no one else present, he was the First Family. He had stood by Bartlett many times in the past as his assistant, but being here as his family was different. He noted though, that Donna did not seem to have the same problem being Josh's family.

Perhaps she had more practice. They had weathered more tragedies, Charlie was sure of that. They also didn't really have actual family, at least not that they spoke to on a regular basis. Maybe that's why she had always seemed to blur the line from employee to family with out any awkwardness.

Charlie had always done it, Bartlett was the father he had never had, but it had always been just a little bit awkward. He was ready for the rest of his in-laws to return.

Donna had turned away from the President, leaving him to sit on the couch with Josh. She slipped over towards Charlie now.

"How's he been?" She asked him.

"Not good." It was Charlie's usual flat tone, punctuated only by his expressive brown eyes. Zoë had told him that when the President had taken a bullet for the color of Charlie's skin, Abby Bartlett had been shocked when all he had said was 'oh'. That was, she had later told her daughter, until she saw his eyes. He should watch that, he'd thought at the time, but he never had learned how. "I've had the nurse up here twice just to check him out. He hasn't complained about that at all and that's just scary."

"Josh took his meds last night, no argument." Donna breathed, falling back into the assistant gossip mode that she and Charlie knew so well.

"Leo would be shocked at this." Charlie wondered how expressive his eyes had become with that statement. Donna's look turned nostalgic and he had his answer.

"He looks worse than I expected, Charlie." She admitted.

"Josh looks better than I expected." He watched her smile

"For now." Donna said ominously, wandering back over to where Josh sat with POTUS. She sat on the back of the couch behind Josh. Charlie watched them, wishing for his mother-in-law to get here faster.

* * *

Jed Bartlett felt old. Not just physically, but mentally. His best friend was dead. He regretted that he had not been by Leo's side, or even in the same state, for most of his final days, months even. He wondered if he had given Leo sound advice. The kind that he had always given, Jed. He wondered if it had all finally caught up with his dear friend the way it was catching up with himself. He remembered long ago, after some petty fight with Leo about the state of the world or something, he was leaving the white house for the State of the Union. He was leaving it in the charge of someone so far down the line of succession he wasn't even sure of the man's name. He had known Leo was at the door close enough to listen. He knew that he was hours from being able to give his friend a proper apology for what ever he may have said. So he had simply told the truest statement he could think of.

_Do you have a best friend? Is he smarter than you? Do you trust him with your life? That's your chief of staff_

Now that man was gone. The man who had brought him here, brought them all here. The man that had made them a family, brought Josh to Donna, Charlie to Zoë and Danny to CJ. The man who had sacrificed his own marriage for these people, for his country. The man who stood behind him for so many years. The man behind the curtain to Jed Bartlett's wizardry. At least that's how Jed felt at this very moment. Incomplete, lost and floundering with out Leo to be his compass.

"Josh," He began with a strong voice hoping to ease the burden the younger man was carrying. "Leo truly thought of you as a son. He believed in you and trusted you in the truest way. He will be proud of what you accomplish, no matter what the outcome." Donna was wiping tears from her face when the President looked up and her and winked. "He would also want you to know that there are things in this world that are more important than politics and presidencies. He wouldn't want you to loose site of that." He did not miss the way that Josh had unconsciously leaned back into Donna when he said that, and it pleased him. "We can give you everything we've got. Getting Matt into the White House was Leo's last great challenge, and I'll help you see that through any way that I can." Screw his own legacy, Jed thought to himself. This was about Leo's. He stood up, thankfully a little more stable this time, and started towards the stairs. "I'm sure the whole gang's down there waiting on you all. If you'll excuse me. I have some calls to make."

If they knew he was lying they did a good job of humoring him. Of course that had been part of their jobs for a long time. He leaned over and kissed Donna on the cheek.

"Take good care of him, as usual." He whispered and she smiled at him. He shook Josh's hand and started across the floor as Charlie opened the door for them.

"Charlie, go with them." His future-son-in-law started to protest, but he waved him off. "Send Debbie in to sit and stare at me for a while."

"Yes, Sir." He answered.

"Oh, and Josh?" Lymann turned around with his guilt ridden eyes. "Leo was hard on his body for years. It was bound to catch up with him. This isn't your fault."

"Thank you, Sir." His voice betrayed him somewhere in the middle of his gratitude and he turned around to face the door. Donna reached out her fingers towards him and he caught them as they left the room.

Jed saw Debbie scurry in, looking up at him concerned. He smiled at her warmly.

"Debbie have I ever told you how I became President of the United States?"


	2. Chapter 2

Congressmen Sam Seaborn was known for being extremely loyal to his district.

It was as if he owed them something. It was because of that he had become known as the ghost of DC. He rarely made it to DC any more unless it was absolutely necessary. Now that his friends had scattered about the country he seemed to come even less. He was there only for important votes, crucial meetings and of course in support of his president.

It was a conflict of interest issue as well. He couldn't really have an all access relationship with his former work place. It wasn't appropriate. For a while, he had met with Josh and the rest of his friends when he was in town and they had the time. Which was rare. He spoke to Josh regularly, and Will since he had gone to the Vice President's office. Will's sister was Sam's chief of staff, and he knew he spoke to her daily. That's how he had kept up with Donna, not that he had spoken to her either.

That would have been a personal conflict of interest. Josh, no matter how long it had been since he'd seen him, was still his best friend. He knew that Donna had gone to work with Josh for Santos after the primaries. Leo had told him that over a quick lunch they had shared on the campaign trail. Sam was concerned with Josh's health and sanity. Leo had simply smiled and shook his head.

"_I brought Donna back to him. They'll do the rest." He'd laughed. "Donna will have him back in top form in no time."_

"_I don't know, Leo." Sam had laughed. "Hell has no fury as a Josh scorned."_

"_True, but this is Donna." He lowered his sun glasses. "He needs her more now then ever. You should see him Sam, he's falling apart."_

Sam had seen him at the Wedding, Leo was right. Josh's face never broke into a real smile, as he greeted his pseudo-family. It was his political grin he had on as he clapped Sam's back, his eyes darting around looking for his candidate. He'd been like that until the rest of his new team arrived. Until Donna arrived in his favorite red dress. Sam had seen the look in Josh's eyes and the way his lips had parted as she walked towards him. She looked at him as she greeted Sam.

"_My God, Joshua, why do you even try?" She shook her head, not seeing Sam's lost expression. Josh looked pained. _

"_I'm used to having someone to do it for me." He whispered in the warmest voiceSam had heard from him in quite a while. _

Donna's face flickered about six different emotions before her hands rose to his neck, untying and retying his bow tie. Her fingers expertly moved the fabric into the perfect shape. She drew herself back and studied him. Sam saw the concern wash over her as she assessed Josh. He took her by the shoulders as she smoothed out the collar of his dress shirt, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.

That's when Josh smiled his truest dimpled smile. He let her go, as she mumbled something about Helen Santos, letting his hands fall to his sides looking just a little lost, but calmer. Sam knew then that Leo was even more brilliant than any of them had known.

Now Leo was gone. Sam worried about the President and Mallory, but he was frightened for Josh. This was not something that his friend would handle well. He silently thanked Leo for knowing that Josh would need Donna, it was almost foreshadowing this very moment.

Sam swallowed hard as he walked past the White House Guards.

"Congressman." The only one he knew called out his title as a greeting.

"John." Sam nodded back.

"They're in Mr. McGarry's--. Ms. Craig's office." The man stumbled over his words, Sam smiled and nodded at him. Walking the familiar path to his friends.

"Sam." It was Donna's sweet voice that brought him back from where his mind was. She stood up from Josh's side and hugged him. "Home again, home again." He listened to the strain in her whisper before he released her back down to Josh. Josh extended his arm to him.

"Hey Buddy." Josh looked half dead. His face was gray and his eyes were red. Sam looked at Donna who smiled sympathetically and nodded at his silent question. _Is he all right?_

CJ was hugging him now, followed by Margaret. He shook Charlie and Danny's hand before sitting down on the other side of Josh. He felt Donna relax a little at the idea of having Josh surrounded. He rested his arm on the back of the sofa and put his hand on the ball of her shoulder. She shot him a grateful glance as she locked her fingers with Josh's.

"Has anyone talked to Mallory?" He asked as the room became too quiet. Margaret was nodding when CJ looked up at him.

"Margaret and I both have. She's doing about as well as can be expected." CJ hesitated before she spoke again and Sam caught that. " Her husband's on his way back from Mexico, business or something. You should call her, Sam."

"Probably not." He said softly looking past CJ to Charlie who raised his eye brows and shrugged.

"She could probably really use an old friend right now." Danny insisted coming around behind CJ. Sam nodded again. He wondered what Ainsley would think of him calling up Mallory McGarry.. what ever her last name was now.

"Um. Have you guys met Sam's girlfriend? She's a republican. They're not really into the whole charitable contribution thing." Josh said in the way only he could. Donna hit him on the arm, causing him to smirk.

"I said he should call her, not make a donation." CJ said quickly which caused Josh and Danny both to chuckle. This time CJ hit Danny. This actually made Josh laugh harder.

"Okay, okay we'll lay off of Sam." Josh huffed leaning back and putting his arm around Donna

This movement was not lost on Sam. He was claiming her. They were talking about the prospect of cheating and Josh had felt the need to claim Donna. Sam's features brightened as Donna's hand came to rest on Josh's knee in reassurance. He caught her eye and smiled tiredly at her.

Sam had seen them do this before of course. He'd seen it almost every day after the shooting. Their silent way of owning each other in a very politically correct way. This was different though, he noticed the way he had leaned his forehead into hers. Sam's eyes shot to Danny Concannon in reluctant alarm. Danny met his gaze and laughed.

"I'm here as CJ's friend and a friend of Leo's, Sam. I'm off the record. It's okay with me if Josh kisses Donna." Josh and Donna both turned their heads towards Danny with their mouths open. "Hell, I'd love it if Josh would kiss Donna! Besides, she's not his assistant anymore, it's a non-story."

Sam saw Josh look back at him with an embarrassed annoyance. He could almost hear his friend's voice in his head. _I'll be damned if our first real kiss is in front of all of you._ Donna simply buried her face in Josh's arm, her ivory skin becoming pink.

"Yeah, I through myself a little party when Josh left and I got to throw that 'crisis plan' away." Charlie said bluntly as CJ nodded in agreement.

"All right, all right." Josh practically shouted in his indignant yet squeaky voice. It caused Donna to laugh a little and press into his shoulder. "Shouldn't we be talking about Leo?"

"Who do you think wrote the plan!" CJ shouted, practically falling out of her seat in laughter.

"There was actually a plan!" Donna had started laughing now as Josh's voice hit a new octave. He looked at her with mild annoyance. "Did you know about this plan?"

She shook her head no practically dying in laughter. Sam couldn't help it now he was laughing out the story.

It had happened on Air Force One. Josh and Donna had always lived in this strange reality that there was an opaque, sound proof bubble around them while they were on the plane. The two of them sat in their customary seats, armrest between them removed, tangled up in each other. Donna was sleeping, as close to being in Josh's lap as the pile of files he was holding permitted her to be. Josh had his head phones on, listening to what Sam was sure was notes Donna had recorded for him for this very purpose. His hand slipped down though Donna's blonde locks.

_"Okay Gang," Leo had begun. "I know we joked about it before, but after Roslyn," he shook his head and looked up at CJ. "You've got to be ready."_

_Sam nodded in agreement as CJ met his eyes. He wouldn't have thought they would have acted on their feelings until they left the White House, but that was before Roslyn. _

_"And by the looks of them, we need to get on this now." Leo looked towards them and Sam followed his eyes. Donna was awake now, she'd leaned up and pulled one of the ear pieces out of Josh's ear and whispered something to him. Her lips touching his ear as she did this. He turned his head towards her and nodded. Then, in the most public display of affection Josh could ever had mustered he kissed her forehead. "Before we get off this plane." _

_Sam watched Donna slip a small plastic pill case out of her bag and look at them, quickly counting, before handing it to Josh along with a bottle of water. Roslyn had changed everything. _

_"God this is going to be messy." Leo said softly. "I don't know what's going to keep Bartlett's pit bull from mauling anyone who says anything slightly rude about her."_

_"He'll kill them." Sam said bluntly with no reservation. _

"Your Damn right I would have!" Sam heard Josh growl as he finished telling the story. "And I hate that nick-name."

"It fits so well though." Sam laughed.

"That's why we were so relieved to toss out the plan!" CJ laughed again looking at Charlie who's eyebrows rose as he nodded.

* * *

"Okay you guys. Enough of this." Her voice from the door way made everyone jump. "Donna's going to pass out and Josh is going to explode."

"Mrs. Bartlett." Margaret began rising to her feet, the rest of the crowd shuffled as Abby waved her hands dismissing their instinctive formal response. "Come on! Come on sit down." Despite her protests she saw Sam and Josh jump up to vacate a their seats for her. She shook her head and walked over to where Charlie was standing. She hugged him like he was her child.

"How is he?" He said from her shoulder.

"He's okay." She said smartly. "You did wonderfully. Major father-in-law points." Charlie nodded to her as she pulled him back. "He's asleep. Zoë wants to see you back at the residence though."

She smiled at how the young man slipped out of the office with out a goodbye.

"How is he really, Ma'am?" CJ asked again.

"Oh please CJ, try to just let me be Abby today." She regreted saying this when she sees CJ's face and shoots her an apologetic look. "He's awful."

"He's so terrified that Josh feels responsible, he's too busy to notice he shouldn't feel responsible." Her eyes shot to Josh. "How _are_ you doing, Sweetheart?" Josh nodded trying to look certain. "Donna, Honey, how's he doing?"

"We're still a little on the shocked side, but we're handling it, Ma'am. Abby." The First Lady smiled in gratitude. Then again when she thought of how Donna had phrased her answer. _We're._ That made Abby feel better.

"Margaret? Who's with the baby?" She asked suddenly, hoping that the woman hadn't felt obligated to stay.

"Bonnie." The woman pressed her lips together, Abby watched her look around the room. She knew the other woman was thinking about Leo. His presence had hung heavily over this room long after he resigned. Now he seemed to be enmeshed in the very oxygen inside of it. "Is it late?"

Abby Bartlett watched as everyone's eyes began to go towards the clocks in the room, the watches on their wrists. She smiled as Donna brushed her hand across Josh's Rolex, shaking her head and extending her wrist to him. Abby made a mental note to tell Donna that a watch that didn't 'suck' would be a nice wedding gift from Bride to Groom, when they finally got down to it.

"It's three am." Josh sighed rubbing his palms across his face.

"Ah, the politicians day has just begun." Abby crooned. "Mine is ending. Brunch tomorrow at the residence, all of you. You too Danny." Mrs. Bartlett lowered her eyes before she spoke again. "Then anyone that is not directly involved with this White House will go and visit Toby." She looked up to early and saw CJ cringe her head bobbing back so her eyes met the ceiling. "Goodnight, Kids."

* * *

They all mumbled their goodnights as they contemplated the Toby comment. Josh lowered his head for a moment, feeling Donna's warm hand on the back of his neck. He could hear CJ's uneven breathing from across the room. He felt a wave of anger cross him, he hated Toby. For a few seconds, he hated Toby.

Danny was rubbing CJ's back when he got the courage to look up at her.

"How did he take it, Sam?" She said blankly not looking in his direction.

"In true Toby fashion. He made me repeat it about four times, said a monotone 'okay', and then things started crashing to the floor." Josh felt himself leaning into Donna as Sam spoke. He and Toby, well, he and Toby had things left unsaid. "Typical Toby."

"I gotta…" Josh's voice rose from his hands as he stood up. Donna pulled back in surprise. "I'm.. I'll be right.." With that he wandered out of the room. He could hear Sam asking Donna what was going on. He heard Donna start to avoid the question as he made his way out of, Leo's-CJ's office. He wondered now if it would ever be his now. He was pretty sure he couldn't do it without Leo.

He wasn't sure why he was drawn back into the bullpen. He thought maybe he was going to Toby's old office, but he was drawn to his once familiar space. It looked the same. There were a few things missing. Not anything anyone but him, or Donna, would have noticed. Her desk though, seemed foreign to him. He couldn't remember the girl who had taken her place but he knew the things on the desk were hers and not Donna's.

His head was pounding as he slowly looked around from the door way. He felt her come up behind him before he heard her soft clicking foot steps. A slow safe smile came to his face.

"Josh?" She put her hands on his sides and he grasped her wrists and pulled her arms around him. He felt her sigh as her body leaned against his back. Her head pressed into the nape of his neck breaking his resolve. She held him, without looking at him, as he cried. He felt her rock him slowly softly back and forth. When he stopped, he turned around and walked her to their couch. She settled beside him.

"I couldn't breathe here with out you." Josh had heard himself say this before he could second guess himself.

"Josh." She put her hands to his face.

"It was someplace that I didn't even know." He stood up and walked over to the wall by the bookshelf. He could almost see himself sitting at the desk, feet propped up, yelling for her. "Now," He began, turning his face to her. "Now I just want to slip back here and go back to my life." Donna's eyes watched him from the couch. He could see her lips trembling. _Now or never Lymann_.

"I know why you left, Donna." He felt the tears slip down his face. "What I don't know is why you stayed so long." She started to rush to him as he let himself slide down the wall to the floor. She got as far as her knees before she spoke.

"You know why, Josh." She begged. He knew her whole world revolved around the fact that he knew. It would have crushed her if she felt he didn't know.

"Did you really love me that much?" His knew his eyes shone with pain by the way Donna's nose had scrunched up. "I wasn't worth it Donna, I wasn't."

She crept across the floor towards him and took his face in her hands, shaking her blonde head from side to side trying to erase the words he'd just said.

"Don't do this, don't." She whimpered into his eyes. "You are the only thing in my whole life worth anything." He felt his body heave under her words as he suppressed the sobs threatening him. "I loved you enough to stay. You loved me too much to tell me to go."

"When did you stop?" He saw her break when he said this. He saw her eyes flash and heard her gasp.

"That's what you.. You thought I'd.." Now she sounded like him, Josh thought through his impatient haze. He wanted to know.

"Was it Gaza? Did you blame me for-?" She put her hand across his mouth to stop him. He watched the tears fall frantically from her eyes.

"You thought I stopped loving you?" She must not have liked what she saw in his face because her eyes shot down to the ground. "I couldn't ever.. Josh, I'll always, always…" He took her wrist and moved her hand from his mouth. She looked up at him and he kissed her lips.

"Donnatella Moss, do you still love me?" He felt her nod against his chest, as he pulled her legs onto his lap. Her arms went around his neck and she lifted her head to his cheek.

"I do." She cried, tears slipped down her cheeks.

"What?" He could hear his smile in his voice. "You've spent so long holding it in you can't say the words?" He breathed against her skin. She pulled her face back from his warm breath, facing him from inches away.

"I love you, Joshua." He smiled at her, for the second before her lips met his. He pulled back from her again.

"Your not going to ask?" He dropped his voice to the tone he knew she loved.

"I already know." She kissed him again turning in his lap until she could lean back against him.

"Donna! I want to say it!" He watched her smile as his voice rose.

"Then say it." She quipped back. He never wanted her more than in this moment.

"I'm not gonna say it if you don't even care if I say it or not!"

"I never said I didn't care, Josh!" She tried to suppress the excitement in her voice but he heard it. "You were the one that thought I didn't love you!"

"But you do." He stated this with a tone that made him glad she was sitting. He knew for certain her knees would have given out. She turned around to face him again. Tracing his jaw line with her fingers.

"I do."

"I love you too, Donnatella." Her eyes flashed and he knew she had wanted him to say it. She settled back into his arms again.

"I want it known, that I said it first." She mumbled. His amused sigh turned into a smile that he pressed into her hair. He knew she was waiting for him to add more banter. Instead he pulled her tight to him and mumbled 'okay' into her hair.

"Really?" She said, surprised.

"Really." He laughed.

"They had a crisis plan, Josh." She said after they had been sitting there for a while. "Like written on paper?"

"Looks like it."

"A crisis plan."

"Leo thought of everything." His voice did not sound as sad as he had thought it would. "That's what he did." Donna nodded. "God I'm gonna miss that." He sniffed. "I already miss him." The man was like a father to him. He knew Donna knew that.

"The President was right, Josh." She was reading his mind again and he had never been so grateful. "You were a son to him. He loved you very much."

"Uh huh." Josh breathed.

"Tired." She announced after a few more minutes of nothing.

"Go to sleep. I've got you."

"Home." She all but ordered. He loved it when she called the townhouse home. He knew she was comfortable there. She'd slept there countless times, he still had a drawer full of her things in his dresser. No wonder they had a plan. He highly doubted that Ginger had ever had a drawer in Toby's dresser, or that Margaret knew where Leo had kept clean sheets and extra blankets.

"We will. I just need to be here for a while." He kissed her head.

"Kay." She said softly, getting heavy against his chest.

He sat there for a while, and that's where CJ Craig had found them. Donna laying asleep across his lap like a rag doll while he pet her head.

* * *

"God, this is the exact scene that the crisis plan was written for." CJ laughed as she sat down on the couch. "If this was still your office, she was still your assistant, and I was Danny Concannon we would have had a big problem."

"Yeah well." Josh sighed before looking up at her. "Your just jealous you can't have me."

"I'm jealous that I can't have _this_." She smiled softly at them.

"I think you'd look pretty silly sitting here with Danny in your lap, Claudia Jean."

"You know what I mean, and stop shoving Danny down my throat." She felt guilty the second she had said it. He'd been so kind, so protective and so off the record.

"How'd he get here, CJ." She smirked at Josh's question.

"He took a cab." She quipped.

"Hey, your the one who said you wanted this." He gestured to Donna on his lap before continuing. "I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't let work get in the way." CJ looked at Josh's anguished face. "I almost lost her, CJ. If Bingo Bob had won the primaries, I would have. So, how did Danny get here."

CJ knew Josh had seen through her and it made tears come to her tired eyes.

"He called, asked if I was all right. I said No. He said, he'd be right there." She wiped her eyes and sniffed. "He hasn't left my office yet."

"Sounds like _this_ to me." The Chief of Staff watched him look down at Donna. Smiling as he drug his finger across her face to settle a stray lock of hair into place. "I swear to you CJ, I almost lost her."

She stood up off the couch and started back to the door.

"Hey Boss?" His words stopped her in her tracks, a smile slipping across her face. That's what he had called Leo and she knew it. She turned to him. "When we see Toby tomorrow, do you want me to tell him anything that you most definitely did not tell me to say?"

"No." It came out of her mouth too quickly, as she turned back to the bull pen. She knew that Josh was still waiting for her real answer. "Tell him.. I miss him." She knew that Josh was looking away now, just in case she turned back. "Take her home, Josh."

"I will." He called after her. "Donna? Baby? Come on. Lets go home."

From outside the office she watched Josh's arms wrap around her and heard him grunt as he pushed himself up from his knees, still holding her.

"Donnatella, I'm too old for this." His playful voice madeCJ smile tiredly.

"Should have done this seven years ago. You were young and I weighed less."

CJ made her way back to her office.

"Hey Beautiful. How you do-." She stopped his lips with hers. "CJ?"

"Quit your job." She ordered, slipping tightly into his arms.

"Honey?" His voice was soft and dark and it made her hold her breath.

"Quit your job and hold my hand." She held his eyes in her own. She knew her lips were trembling, but she couldn't stop them. "I'm scared and I need someone to hold my hand." She took a deep breath. "No. Danny? I need you to hold my hand."

"Okay." He told her simply, lacing her hands in his and squeezing. She leaned her forehead against him and cried.

* * *

He didn't want visitors. He didn't even want to see his family. He hated himself, and that made him laugh. He looked back to the intercom.

"Toby open the door!" Josh's voice even sounded guilty. It didn't matter though, Toby felt guiltier and he wasn't going to let Josh and his abandonment issues take that away from him.

"I'm calling Ginger. Maybe she'll still have a key." Donna's voice amused him. He quickly hit the intercom.

"Donna, not everyone in the West Wing had their assistant going through their underwear drawer." He grumbled.

"Shut it, Zigler." Bartlett's pit bull growled.

"Josh." Her tone was a warning.

"Donna, he-" Now he whined like a child.

"Come on, Toby, I did not come all the way from California to talk to your intercom."

"Fine." He buzzed them in. He was pouring himself another brandy when they came in the door. "Hello friends." He listened to it role sarcastically off of his tongue. "What do I owe this visit to?"

"Jeez, I don't know Toby, we're in town, catching up. Oh yeah, Leo's dead." Josh's voice was hard and angry. It made Toby smile.

"Josh." Donna's quiet voice forced him to look towards them. She had her hands around Josh's arm and his own were, as usual, in the pockets of his coat. He looked as guilty as Toby expected. Sam looked sad. That was worse. He didn't want Seaborn's pity.

"Come on, Toby." Congressman Pity began. "We wanted to know how you are. We wanted to tell you that we were here for you if you needed to talk."

"Talk?" His voice was louder than he had expected it to be. It made him take another gulp from his snuffer. "Okay, great! I'll talk. Leo, the man that I have to thank for giving me every opportunity I've squandered, is dead. He died, thinking, correctly, that I had betrayed my president and cause political crisis" He swung his arms when he spoke Brandy slipping over the rim of the glass onto his hands. I cannot protect my children, or their mother, from the press. I cannot see my best friend and tell her I'm sorry I almost sent her to jail, or apologize to the beloved man that I wronged." He snorted in disgust of himself. "What's new with all of you?"

"I'm sorry. The First Lady thought you would like visitors." Sam spoke slowly, as if Toby was dumb.

"I don't." He yelled back at them.

"Yeah, Okay, we got that. Sam lets go." He watched Josh confer silently with Donna.

"You guys go ahead. I'm going to stay for a while."

"Ooo. Fun." Toby said raising his eyebrows to mock the other man, his former protage. His former friend. "Really Sam, save yourself for someone who isn't political suicide."

Josh had led Donna to the door now. Toby saw him looking back in angst. Ah, the Lymann guilt. It was getting old. Toby decided.

"Oh," Josh said sadly looking back over his shoulder. "The Jackal wanted you to know she misses you." Toby's jaw clenched, CJ. The feeling of pain that he had tried so hard to drown was now surfacing again. "Did you want me to not tell her anything."

"My apartments not bugged, Josh. You don't have to talk in code." Toby wasn't sure why he thought yelling was the way to fix his problem. "You can tell CJ, not to waste her precious time on me."

Josh nodded curtly, Donna looked at Toby like she wanted to throw something at him. It wasn't until Josh had opened the door that he found the words he needed.

"Josh," He smirked a little at the thought of CJ doing 'the Jackal'. Tell her that she's been amazing. Tell her that I'm sorry I did this too her." Lymann nodded again as he and Donna left. This time softly, with out looking at him. Toby wondered why each of them always looked away during the hard parts. He did look now at Sam Seaborn who sat like a statue on his couch.

"So," Toby knew he was trying to sound casual, but Sam didn't do casual. "I'm pretty sure Donna and Josh are finally getting it on, CJ has Danny turning in his press pass and the First Lady is demanding that everyone call her 'Abby' now. Oh! Rumor has it that Liz's husband is banging the nanny."

Toby's face betrayed him. He couldn't help it, he had to smile. He knew it must have looked awkward on his face by the way Sam's eyebrows came together above his nose.

"Leo's dead four days and the whole place goes to hell." He starts laughing now. He's not sure why, as he flops down on the couch beside Sam and puts his hand on his forehead. "Abby, huh? Great. Why don't we just play the Beverly Hillbillies song from now on, instead of hail to the chief. Leo did not fight for this for us to turn it into a disaster in the last inning. What in the hell are we doing." He looked at Sam's sympathetic face. His shoulders shook. "What did I do? Did you know that when I joined the campaign for Bartlett Leo fired everyone but me? Do you know how many times he said 'Toby I need you?' I failed him Sam. I failed him. I failed CJ and Jed Bartlett and my party." He took a breath looking into his glass. "But most of all, I failed him."

Sam was quiet for a while, then purposefully he turned to face Toby. Toby watched Seaborn's eyes fall on the snuffer of Brandy.

"So that's what you do? You drown your pain the same way he tried to drown his? You tarnish his memory by slipping into the trap that held him for years? The one that kept him just to the right of the Oval Office? That's a little ironic, even for you, isn't it, Toby?"

Zigler looked into the glass again before throwing it against the wall. He was satisfied by the way it broke into pieces. If Sam was shocked, he didn't let it show.

"The President asked me if you and I could write something for the funeral. I'll make some notes and you can go over them." Toby watched Sam stand and head for the door. "I have Ainsley working on getting you in to the funeral. She thinks if you sit with your attorney, and Babish sits somewhere between you and the president it should be okay. She's got some pretty strong connections in government legal." Sam looked back over his shoulder. "I'll send you my notes." Toby watched him point to where the glass had landed. "You should clean that up before Molly and Huck come by."

Toby looked down at his hands now as Sam closed the door behind himself.

"I'm sorry, Leo." He said to No one. "I'm sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

Ainsley Hayes was not a part of the inner circle.

No matter how much Sam tried to convince her she could be, she knew she wasn't ever going to be. That bond had formed in New Hampshire almost a decade ago.

"How are you?" Her southern drawl crept across the phone line to her boy friend.

"I'm.. tired." He sounded it, Ainsley decided biting the tip of her pen. "How are you?"

"I don't know Congressmen, I'm a little lost, rattling around in this big old house by myself." He chuckled a little and she smiled.

"Come on, Counselor. I just get in your way." She how he said things like that.

"Yes, but I'm used to your liberal blabber, and your cooking. I'm starving here, Sam."

"Then come here." His voice was simple and nondramatic, she knew this meant that he was serious.

"Sam, we talked about this when you left. Those people don't like me." She knew that wasn't entirely true.

"That's not true. They all like you."

"Josh does not like me." She announced, she heard Sam sigh.

"Josh doesn't like anyone." She smiled at his comment. "And your wrong. He likes you just fine. He came to your defense last night."

"Why did I need defending?" She heard Sam stifle a grunt at his own ignorance and it made her want him to squirm. "Sam, why did I need defending?"

"It was nothing. CJ suggested that I call Mallory McGarry and see how she was doing. I said no thanks. CJ got defensive. Josh came in with 'he's got a republican girlfriend' and that was that." Sam sighed again. He felt guilty for not calling Mallory. Ainsley could tell. "Josh was only defending you because he's head over heals for Donna and wanted her to know that he would never cheat on her."

"They've.. finally?" Ainsley was shocked.

"Looks like it." Sam's voice was proud.

"I thought you said they were barely speaking?" Josh and Donna was one of Sam's favorite things to talk about sinceDonna left Josh. She knew that it was because he couldn't discuss it with either of them.

"Well apparently, they've spoken." Sam chuckled.

"Sam?" She pulled herself up straight in the chair. "You should go see Mallory McGarry."

"Ainse." He sighed out her nick-name in anguish. "You should come to the funeral." Ah, Ainsley thought, check and mate.

"Fine." She said stiffly. "I will if you will."

"I had alreadyplanned on attending." He quipped.

"Sam!"

"Why do you want me to talk to Mallory?"

"Because Sam, if you were with her, and my father had died, I would have liked to see you." She let her words sink in with him. She registered another sigh. He was tired, she started clicking, guiltily, on her lap top looking for flights to DC. She should have gone with him when he asked.

"Ainsley. I love you." His voice poured into her ears and she smiled.

"I love you to, Congressman."

"Call me when you know when you'll be here?" He actually yawned this time.

"I will, and Sam?" She heard his inquiring grunt and continued. "Have the apartment cleaned. I don't want to see how gross you've been living when your in DC."

"Good night, Counselor." She could almost see him shake his head as shehung up the phone laughing.

Ainsley booked her flight, called Babish and then a friend on the review board for Toby's government hearing. If she was going to do one thing for Leo, it was going to be securing Toby's admittance to his funeral.

* * *

Matt Santos shook the rain from his coat as he wandered into the East Wing, following the line of people leading him. Debbie, a woman with unkempt hair and wide eyes was talking to him, he wasn't listening. Luckily his wife was nodding.

She announced them to President and Mrs. Bartlett as the staff and family members scattered about the house. Matt wondered if he would ever live here now. He noticed Helen taking it in. She was wondering the same thing.

"Mrs. Bartlett, thank so much for inviting us for dinner."

"Please, its Abby! May I call you Helen?" He studied Dr. Abby Bartlett. She looked exhausted.

"Yes please, thank you, Abby." Matt loved his wife.

"Would you like me to show you around the residence a little? As a teaser?" He liked Abby Bartlett and her sparkly eyes. He heard Helen sigh wistfully.

"Sounds wonderfully torturous." They laughed as they excused themselves. Matt looked at the President.

"They'll have the whole place redecorated in their heads by the end of the tour." Jed Bartlett teased. "Matt, I want you to know that you have our complete support. We'll do what ever we can. I know that Josh has felt like we haven't been doing our share."

"Josh is never satisfied with anything, Sir." Matt interrupted, something Jed Bartlett wasn't used to, by the way his eyes shot up in surprise. "I've been pleased with how the White House has been supporting us."

"I'm glad to hear that, Congressman." Jed said honestly. "But Leo McGarry was my best friend. He believed in you enough to join your ticket. The least I can do for him is to make sure I give you all the power of the Presidency in this election." He smiled up at Matt. "It's a lot of power, Matt."

"I'm ready for it, Sir." He hoped he sounded confident.

"Josh Lymann thinks you are. That's enough for me." Matt was surprised at that.

"That's good to know, Mr. President. I don't know if Leo told you, I've had my doubts about Josh." He saw Bartlett's head bob up and look at him before nodding.

"I'm sure you have, but the only person more qualified than Josh, is gone." Matt noticed how the man had all but whispered 'is gone'. He felt suddenly like he was intruding on this man's grief. He nodded at who he hoped would behis predecessor.

"I have to say, Josh has been amazing me lately." Matt chuckled. "What ever Leo did, worked. I didn't even know Josh could smile."

He saw the worry crease across Jed Bartlett's face at the mention of a somber Josh. It was the same way that Leo and Donna had been looking at him. Matt wondered who Josh Lymann had been before becoming his campaign manager. He wished he had known that person.

"Donna." He had been startled when the President spoke. "I'm sure it's better with Donna there." Matt found himself nodding along with Bartlett. I was true. Donna helped. "They deserve to be together. Duty has kept them apart too long." He saw Bartlett look up with remorse. Matt wasn't sure if it was for keeping Josh and Donna apart or for divulging this to Matt Santos.

"I have to say, I was amazed." Matt laughed a little. "I never would have thought Josh would have been the soul mate type."

Bartlett did not smile, he just looked down at his hands.

"When I met my team, Lord, they were a bunch of kids. I couldn't possibly see how they were going to get me to the airport, more less the White House." He chuckled. "I had Leo. He believed fiercely in them." Jed's voice held a sorrowful reverence. "I trusted him because he was my best friend. Do you trust, Josh?"

"I'm starting to." Matt admitted honestly.

"He's a great man. He's done great things for this country. He's sacrificed a lot, took a bullet, alienated some good friends, and almost lost the love of his life, twice. Without Josh Lymann, I could not have been Jed Bartlett. He deserves your trust. You should see about getting to know him."

Matt suddenly felt like an ass. He hadn't really remembered that Josh had been shot. He hadn't know about Donna, he didn't know anything about Josh really.

"My Chief of Staff was the one I turned to for everything." He smiled wistfully. "I guess the 'new girl' still is. Get to know him, Matt. Get to know Donna. It's worth it."

* * *

"Abby?" Helen Santos looked at the woman next to her. "Can I ask you a personal question about Josh?" The other woman looked wary. "I understand if you don't want to answer it, but I'd like to ask."

"You should ask Donna." Abby smiled.

"It's about Donna." Helen admitted.

"Oh yeah?" Helen thought this was a strange remark.

"Yes." She sighed. "Leo was almost cryptic about it. Implying but never quiet saying it."

"Saying what they were to each other?" She knew Abby understood. Helen nodded. "I don't think it would cause a lot of press problems for you, if that's why your concerned."

"No not at all. I'm just trying to humanize Josh" Helen realized how it sounded when it left her lips and she wanted to take it back.

"Mrs. Santos. Helen, Josh is a dear friend of mine and my husband's. I assure you he has a soul." Abby sounded irritated and amused at the same time.

"And apparently it's name is Donna." Helen blurted out. She saw amused win out over irritated on Abby's face.

"Yes. In a way." Her face became serious again. "Josh Lymann is a good man, having a hard time doing an important thing." She shook her head. "You should talk to Donna. Get to know her, she'll let you in on who Josh Lymann really is." Abby looked around, then back at Helen. "Leo McGarry was like a father to Josh. Josh feels guilty as hell for this, even though it's not at all his fault." She glared at Helen when she said this part, as if to banish any blame Helen might want to lay on Josh. "Donna will get him through it. She always does. You've got to understand the press didn't call him 'Bartlett's pit bull' for his charming way of negotiating and intricate personality skills."

Helen laughed at this.

"But his tenacity is his job, and his love for Donna and the loyalty to his friends is who he is." Abby looked at Helen with tearful eyes. Helen felt cruel. She hadn't even noticed Josh was human.

"By the way, nice thong." Helen blushed, remembering the picture in the tabloids. "They once got a picture of me in a see through blouse. Donna Moss once dropped her underwear in front of Karen Cahill and Sam Seaborn accidentally slept with a law student/prostitute. None of that seems to have gone down in history. This will go away." Helen laughed again, feeling like she should listen to Abby Bartlett.

* * *

"Who does he think he is?" Donna sighed at the edge of Josh's voice.

"He's Toby Zigler. Former White House Communications Director, and briefly, press secretary. Now the man under indictment for treason, ring a bell?" Donna pulled her damp coat off and tossed it on Josh's coat rack.

"Donna," He scrunched up his nose in disgust. "You cannot possibly defend that." He flopped into pout position, the backs of his hands pressed to his forehead, hips at the edge of the couch. She sat down next to him, pulling his hands free and pushing the top portion of his body into her open arm. He sighed and relaxed into her shoulder.

"Josh, he's being Toby." She told him. "Angry, guilty drunk Toby, but Toby just the same."

"What am I going to tell CJ?" He mumbled sadly. Donna put her head on top of his.

"That he's sorry. That he misses her, too." Donna felt him nod slowly. "I don't think we should talk about this." He stiffened in response to her 'rules' voice.

"Santos and Helen are at the White House having dinner with the Bartlett's." He said absently before he realized what he'd done.

"You called and checked his schedule? I swear Josh, don't make me take your phone away!" She pushed her shoulder out so he could see her serious face.

"We shouldn't talk about this either." He whined defensively.

"We'll then we're out of things." Donna decided. She felt Josh move beside her. He slipped down her body until his head was in her lap. She looked down and smoothed his hair back. She watched his eyes drift shut and then reopen. She wondered if anyone had touched him at all while she was away. It made her heart hurt.

"We could talk about this." He announced, lifting his arm and gesturing in the space between them.

"We could." She purred at him. It had surprised her, the tone that her voice took. "Is that disrespectful?"

"Is what?" He blinked up at her with his twinkly eyes.

"Talking about.. this?" She repeated his gesture.

"Maybe." He considered, his jaw cocked to the side as he did this. She traced it with her fingers. "I can see how talking about my desire to carry you to the bed and ravage you might be disrespectful."

"Ravage me?' Her absent whisper for confirmation was something Josh was familiar with, but she saw his smile a widen anyway.

"Uh Huh." It was Josh's turn for the breathy whisper, it made her body shiver. She hoped he didn't notice. She watched as one side of his smile rose higher than the other. He noticed.

"Leo really wanted us to be happy." She said truthfully, pleading for a lack of guilt.

"Yeah." She had resumed touching his face, pushing her hand against his curly hair. Then tracing down his dimples. "Donna?"

"Hum?" She saw his eyes flutter and roll slightly back into his head.

"If we're going to continue mourning tonight, you gotta stop doing that." His voice was heavy, she knew he was fighting against his body. She'd seen him do it in pain, but never in pleasure. It took her breath away.

"We could still mourn tomorrow." She felt her breath heave in her chest. He pushed his cheek towards her body in appreciation of the increasing rise and fall.

"Um Hum." His eyes were shut now, creases running across them. His mouth however was slightly open. Relaxed and waiting. She trailed her hand absently down his body. Appraising his face. She felt him start to move from her lap, rolling off the couch and coming up from the floor to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her to him again. "I don't remember this from the rules." He said from her neck between kisses.

"Revisions." She heard herself say pushing her head down to his and meeting his lips again. He started towards the bedroom, stopping at the bed and looking at her eyes. Donna heard herself gasp at the look he had.

"This should be perfect. I should have candles and satin sheets." He looked embarrassed. She loved this man.

"It will be perfect." She whispered in his ear, feeling him shudder. He dropped her onto the bed causing her to yell. She looked at the smug satisfaction on his face from that. She tried to look offended, but she wanted him too badly and he knew it. She sat up slightly, reaching towards him. Grabbed his tie, she pulled him down to the bed on top of her. His breath hitched at the feeling of her beneath him, Donna's body arched against him unconsciously, when he did this. His eyes widened.

Neither of them spoke as Donna loosened his tie and pushed it over his head. She stopped for a moment to pull her hand down his cheek, she watched his eyes melt into her loving gesture. His kissed her forehead as she unbuttoned the front of his shirt and pulled his belt buckle loose. He shook the shirt off.

She pushed her fingers up the bottom of his undershirt, urging him to take it off. He complied, as she studied him. Her finger carefully tracing the scar on his chest before running it down to the button of his pants. He smirked at her, shaking his head in disbelief.

He sat up on his knees, straddling her body, as his arms worked up the side of her. Gathering the soft fabric above his hands until he reached her shoulders and slipped it off of her. She was glad she had worn the red lacy bra that hooked in the front. Not that she felt the need to show off to Josh, but she appreciated the lusty look he gave it. He unhooked it. repeating her earlier act of reverie by caressing her scars with his thumb.

She felt his body heave and met his eyes. She saw the fear Gaza had left in him. She brought her hands to his face and wiped away the sweet tears forming in his eyes. He kissed her chest stopping over the thin line, dropping his head to listen to her heart before continuing. She smiled at him, a tear slipping down her cheek. He kissed it away.

"I love you." His voice was crystal clear, it was not a panicked whisper or a quip of banter. It was Josh, _her_ Josh, wanting her to know she was loved.

She gasped, moving her hands down to the band of her skirt and gave him silent permission. He accepted, kissing her hips and abs and thighs as he pulled her clothing away with one hand. He kissed the corner of her panties before slipping them down.

Again her body arched as he did this. She heard him moan in response. One of his hands feverishly working on his pants. He moved his mouth along her, before returning his naked body to hers. "Your so beautiful." He breathed from somewhere on her body. She didn't know where he was anymore.

She reacted to his voice, grabbing his hips with her tight grasp and pulling him towards her. He ran his hands up her thighs and pressed them apart. She gasped at this, her body tensing in anticipation. He held her eyes when he completed the movement. "I love you." He repeated pulling her to him tightly managing her hips like they were his own.

"Josh." Donna gasped, had she just moan his name? People didn't really do that did they? She heard herself do it again. He dropped his head to her chest and met it with deep hot kisses. She heard her voice again, this time in one of those stereotypical gaspy mantras she never expected were real. She dug her nails into his shoulders, crying out again.

She heard him whispering to her and tried to focus on his words, "_Love.mine.always.Donnatella.finally_", all tumbled across her mind in no particular order.

"Never leave me again." That was the only thing that came into her head clearly. She clung to him.

"Never, never I won't, Joshua. I love you." She heard her voice rising until she knew she had yelled the last words. He pressed into her, she felt his breath on her face as she gasped it in. Her eyes flashed open as she climaxed. She wanted to see him, she wanted her body to know that it was really him. He took her hands in his face and kissed her hard as her body tightened and shuddered around him.

His eyes pressed shut and he pulled her to him. He wanted to be holding her when it happened and she could feel that. She buried herself in his shoulder and listened to his soft cry. She held him there for a few more seconds before drawing back and bringing him to her side. He kissed her shoulder as she pulled herself onto his chest.

They said nothing for a long time before he whispered into the dark.

"Well Damn that would have been worth loosing my job for." She laughed at him, snuggling tighter.

"I said it would be perfect." She said in full I-told-you-so mode. He kissed her on the head.

"I should listen to you more."

"You won't."

"That's probably true"

They were still Josh and Donna. Part of her sighed in relief, part of her whispered I-told-you-so.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam Seaborn could not think of one good reason why he was here.

Sam smiled at Jenny McGarry as she pointed to the room across the hall.

"Mal?" He called her name into the dark family room.

"Sam?" He could hear the fresh tears in her voice and he wanted to leave. He should not be here comforting her. He should not be here. His internal mantra disappeared when he saw her tear stained face appear in the doorway. She rushed into his arms before he could say a word. "Sam, I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too, Mal." There were two women Sam Seaborn had loved in his life, and he was holding one of them in his arms. "When's John getting back?"

He had to ask CJ her husbands name. He realized on the way here that he should know it, and the baby's name.

"Tomorrow before the funeral." She released him. She shook her head. "Congressman Seaborn, huh?" His stomach had flipped when she said congressman. That was Ainsley's little game. Her pet name for him. He should not have come here.

"That's what they tell me." He wondered if he sounded smug. He had been trying to watch that. "Mal, I'm so sorry about Leo." That's it, good! Cut to the chase, give comfort then retreat beforehe coulddo something stupid. "If there's anything I can do, just let me know." Something stupid like make promises he can't really keep. "Ainsley and I are available if you need any legal advice or if you have any questions." He dropped her name in there for good measure. It made him feel better.

"You're still with Ainsley Hayes?" Sam wondered why she sounded surprised.

"Yes." Sam watched a slow grin spread across Mallory's face.

"Sam, that's wonderful." She now sounded more shocked then surprised. "I'm really happy for you." Sam took a deep breath to fill up the awkward pause.

"So, where's Jenna? I was hoping to meet her." He looked around for the baby, as if Mallory may have just set her somewhere. "Leo talked about her all the time." Sam lied.

"Here she is right here!" A woman's voice cooed carrying the infant into the room. Sam got to his feet and looked at the baby.

"Sam this is Rita Sebastian." Mallory was saying. "John's mother. Sam?"

Sam was starring at the baby, tears came to his eyes.

"Sam? Are you alright?"

"She… looks just like…" He couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't look away from the baby. He felt Mallory's hand on his arm.

"Like Dad. I know. She looks just like my dad." Her voice was soft and comforting, Seaborn felt like a fool. He'd come here to comfort her only to be reduced to tears by a baby sized version of Leo. "Do you want to hold her?"

Sam felt himself nod, not sure why he wanted to hold Mallory's baby. He took the little girl in his arms and brushed back wispy hairs from her head. He realized that Mrs. Sebastian had gone with out so much as a hello from him.

"I'm sorry, that was rude.." He started to say to Mal, gesturing towards the direction her mother-in-law had gone. He never took his eyes off the baby.

"It's okay. Really Sam, it's okay." The baby was smiling at him. Pulling and flipping his tie around in her small grasp. "Her names Jenna Lee, after my parents. I know it's corny, but--."

"It's lovely." Sam interrupted. "Really Mal, she's.. lovely." She was. Sam found that strange how she could be so lovely and at the same time be a dead ringer for Leo McGarry. His eyes, his nose, his smile, all of the best of Leo miniaturized on a baby's face. Sam brought a hand up and wiped a tear away. This was all that was left of Leo McGarry. She would never even know him. Sam felt another tear form. The baby leaned forward onto his shoulder and he rocked her slowly back and forth. When he turned to Mallory she was crying too. "I'm really going to miss him Mallory."

She nodded and Sam stuck out his free arm to her pulling her into the other shoulder. He felt a strange ache. This could have been his family, this could have been his life if he had stayed in DC. He patted Mallory's back and pulled away. He took another look at Jenna before offering her back to her mother.

"I need to go." He told the 'baby Leo' softly. He looked at Mallory. "I'll be there tomorrow." He started stiffly towards the door, as she muttered goodbye and thanked him for coming. "Really if you need anything…"

"I'll call, Sam. Thank you." She said pressing her face against Jenna's head. He walked back the front door, saying goodbye to Leo's ex-wife, and slipping out of the door andinto the rain.

From the car he called Ainsley.

"Sam? Are you alright?" He put his head back on the head rest and smiled.

"I love you, Ainse." He wiped the tears from his face and ran his handunder his nose like a child.

"And I love you. Sam what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything's right. Will you call the office and have someone overnight me the box in my middle drawer? Winn, will know what I need."

"You don't just want me to bring it tomorrow?"

"Nah, I want Winn to ship it. You won't have time to get it anyway, you leave too early."

"Sam, it's four pm here. I could go get it right now."

"Honey, just have Winn send it okay?"

"Okay." She was scared now, he could tell.

"I love you, Ainsley." He repeated softly.

"You're scaring me, Sam." She told him.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay." She sounded uneasy. "Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"I will be in the morning when I can hold you in my arms again." He sighed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He sniffed. "Goodnight Counselor."

"Goodnight, Congressman."

Sam closed his phone and cried for his dead friend and the granddaughter he'd never really get to know.

* * *

Toby Ziegler felt like an ass.

His attorney had called this morning to tell him that he could attend the funeral of Leo McGarry. He could not greet or speak to anyone involved in the scandal. He could not respond if spoken to by anyone involved. He was to sit with his attorney and Alexander Babish, who he hated. It was the only way, and that was thanks to a feisty republican political attorney from southern California. Who his own lawyer mentioned would not take no for an answer. He made a mental note to tell Sam to thank Ainsley. He ran his fingers over his scalp and looked at the phone. He checked the final draft ofthe peice he andSam had been working on, then looked at thephone again.He had to do it and he knew he had to do it. He dialed the numbers.

"Josh Lyman's residence." Her voice took him by surprise, but only for a second. Sam had been right.

"Donna."

"Toby."

"Can I talk to him."

"I don't know, are you going to be nice?" Shit. It was her 'rules' voice.

"Well since I'm calling to apologize.."

"Hold on." She said shortly, he heard her put the phone down and call Josh. She never answered when he asked who it was. _She knew he wouldn't takemy call _figured, correctly.

"Josh Lyman."

"Josh."

"Toby."

"I'm an ass."

"Everyone knows that."

"I'm trying to apologize." He paused, Josh remained silent, so he continued. "For being an ass."

"Okay."

"Okay." This is why Toby loved Josh. He understood him.

"I can't sit with you guys today, but I'll wave or something." Josh stopped breathing when he said this.

"You shouldn't wave." Toby knew that of course, but Josh had said it with all seriousness.

"Did you warn her that I was coming?"

"Sam told her."

"Good."

"Seriously, don't wave."

"I'm not gonna.. " His voice rose into a yell before he caught himself calmed down. "I'm not gonna wave."

"You said you were gonna-."

"Josh?"

"Yeah."

"Are you finally going to marry, Donna?"

"Yeah I think so." Josh croaked out after an minute of silence.

"Good." Toby answered flatly, like Josh had said he was going to by milk. "I'll see you the next time your in DC?"

"Yeah." Toby hung up the phone, knowing Josh didn't need the formalities of a goodbye. He starred back down at the black suite he had arranged on the bed. Swallowing hard, he began to dress

* * *

Zoë Bartlett hated funerals.

As the first daughter, she'd been to quiet a few. The saddest ones being for Mrs. Lanningham and for herown secret servic agent, Molly, who had died trying to save her. Zoë had insisted on going to her funeral, despite everyone's recommendations that she rest after 'her ordeal'. All she could think was, _what about Molly's ordeal?_

For this funeral, she would not feel as guilt, but she knew it would be the worst of them. Leo McGarry was a second father to her. He'd known her since she was born, he'd been there for every major event in her life.

He wouldn't be there when she married Charlie next spring. She wondered now who her father would have 'the conversation' with now. She had overheard 'the conversation' at Ellie's wedding. Standing behind them, she was off their radar.They never knew she heard a word of it.

_ "Well two down, one to go." Leo's eyes shone proudly as he watched Ellie dance with her new husband. _

_ Jed Bartlett looked up at his best friend wearily. His dance with Ellie had taken it all out of him. _

"_Leo, I have to ask you something. Something important and I have to do it now while I feel like this."_

"_Jed?" _

"_I may not be able to stand by next year, Leo." The President leaned into his friend. "I may not be alive next year, Leo."_

"_Come on, don't say something like that! Look at me, last year I had a heart attack, this year I'm running for VP." Leo had protested in a sharp whisper._

"_Leo, If I can't, for what ever reason, walk Zoë down the isle-."_

"_I'll be there." Leo had said quickly, before the President had to continue. _

"_Thank you, Leo."_

Now Zoë wondered who it would be. If not her father, if not Leo, then who?

"Zoë?" Charlie's voice broke her out of the memory. "You ready?" She looked up at the building and nodded.

The decision on where to honor Leo had been raged in the east wing of the White House. With Jenny and Leo's sister on dualing speaker phones and Mallory, crying, tucked under Zoë's mother's arm. They had ruled out temples, most state buildings, and the capital building. In the end, it was Leo's sister who had made the decision. Charlie took her hand and lead her in after her family.

* * *

CJ Craig had known the next time she saw him it would be in a court house.

She hadn't figured that it would be for Leo McGarry's funeral. She'd watched her best friend come in with Babish and his attorney, Danny had squeezed her hand tighter and turned her towards the President, the rest of the original and current Sr. Staff, and Leo's small family. Other heads of state and globally relevant people took their honored places as the secret service looked on intently.

CJ knew they hated these things, so many critical people together in the same room. It was almost like the State of the Union nights. Except for this time, Bingo Bob was sitting back at the White House manning the button instead of here where they could all keep an eye on him. She shook her head again at the idea that man almost one the nomination.

"Did you see him." She whispered to Danny after they had settled into their seats.

"Toby?"

"Yes of course… him." She couldn't bring herself to say his name. It hurt her throat to say it. Honestly, it hurt her head to hear it. Basically, Toby Ziegler had hurt her.

"CJ."

"Danny, I'm just saying that.."

"CJ." He turned her around again and pointed to the casket in the front of the room. She froze for a moment before turning back to him with glasses eyes. "For half a day CJ, lets take a moment and say goodbye." She nodded, sitting down next to him.

She glanced over her shoulder at Josh and Donna, their fingers entwined, her whispering softly to him, smoothing his hair back with her free hand. Ainsley had arrived that morning, not looking at all jet lagged from her red eye flight. She was leaning over Sam to talk to Will, probably about his sister.Who Sam refused to cal by name. (He called her Winn orWinnie because he said she looked like that girl from the wonder years.) Truthfully CJ didn't even remeber her name. She was going to askSam until she really looked at him.Sam was glazed over, his face forward looking at the casket.His only movement was blinking.She almost reached out to touch him, when suddenly Ainsley took his face and turned it towards hers. She started to say something, CJ looked away.

Jenny had grabbed onto Margaret at some point and the two were talking tearfully by the side of the room. The President was holding baby Jenna, not even attempting to hide the tears on his cheeks. Abby had her arms around Mallory, who was weeping next to her husband. He looked lost.

She couldn't help look back to the south corner. He was looking at her, his eyes wrinkled straining to tell her something. She'd gotten Josh's message. She'd heard Sam's brief report on his mental status. She wanted to tell him thank you for bringing her here. Thank him for standing by her andbelieving inher. She wanted to tell him 'screw you' for leaving her. Screw him or hurting Jed Bartlett. Screw him for turning his back on everything they had all put their lives on hold for.

All she could do was cry. She watched his face break, he licked his lip in a futile attempt to stop the tears that fell down his face. He looked down and she looked away. They were all gone now. She and Jed Bartlett would see this presidency through on their own. No longer were they Leo's group of genius misfits, some how, repeatedly doing the impossible. Now it was just her, throwing herself in front of metaphorical bullets for Jed Bartlett.

CJ Craig was the last line of defense for the ailing president.


	5. Chapter 5

Jed Bartlett decided his memory was indeed failing him.

For the life of him, Bartlett could not remember why he had asked Sam, to ask Toby, to write something for him to say at Leo's funeral. He was in no condition to say anything. Sitting here holding Leo's grandchild, bouncing her up and down across his lap, her little baby shoes prancing across his failing legs, he knew he'd been wrong. He couldn't do it.

Abby had a grip on Mallory. He turned back to look at Sam. There was no way that Sam could do it. Santos? No. CJ? He wasn't going to make her say Toby's words. Josh was already shaking in Donna's firm grasp. There was no one else.

He looked to his left then. Charlie sat holding Zoë's hand like she was a doll that would break. The young man felt the Presidents gaze, from years of practice, Jed figured. He saw Charlie look from the folder to him to the podium.

The older man's shaky hand picked up the folder while gripping the baby with the other. He held the speech out to his surrogate son, and former assistant. Charlie nodded in understanding, taking the folder onto his lap. He would do it. It was his job now.

* * *

Josh Lyman could not for the life of him, listen to Charlie Young. 

He knew he should tell Donna, lean over to her and whisper that he couldn't focus, could hardly breathe.

"My name is Charlie Young. President Bartlett asked me to read this on his behalf.

_Leo McGarry was many things. Father. Grandfather. Friend, Confidant. Public Servant. Vietnam Veteran…_

_Leo McGarry was a man of second chances. He was willing to give them, and take them, with a deep compassion for the weakness of the human soul."_

That was as far asJosh got. After that his mind went hazy. He couldn't think anymore, about Leo being dead, about the campaign being in ruin, or about Toby facing prison. He tried to think of something else, but it all just seemed to tumble around him.

He thought about Joanie, the years and grief ticked in front of his eyes likeslow torture.Then their washis father, and that was a whole other subject. He thought about Roslyn, and Yoyo Ma, and the window he broke with his hand. He thought about Gaza. He thought of the fear that over took him when he heard the news. He thought about how his mind had yelled at him. How he realized if she was dead he didn't want to be alive. He thought about Donna laying there broken. He thought about the day she left him and how he'd let her. He thought about who he became without her.

His mind rushed back to Toby, Sam and CJ desperately trying to get a long shot to the White House. Blindly, they had followed Leo like he was the Pied Piper; embarking on the impossible and coming out victorious on the other side. That was over now. It was all a dim memory that he would never get to revisit. There would be a new White House and God willing he would be a part of that. Time would go on and he would be too busy to remember Toby and the bouncing ball or Sam and the hooker. He would not remember Donna and the bird outside his window that she had pleaded with to stop it's tapping.

There would be no time to remember CJ doing the Jackal, or how Charlie had the President do his taxes. There life together, the group of them, would be gone. Sure they would have history, bills passed, vetoes handed out, wars stopped, programs started, but the little things that were they're whole lives, would be gone. The MS would take over and Jed Bartlett's magnificent brain would fade.

Leo McGarry would be a foot note of interest in a history book. Not for the war, or the for his single handed creationofthe Bartlett administration, but for dying on the campaign trail in the middle of election year. No one would know that he saved a man in a hole. No one would know.

On some level he had heard the music start to play. He had heard the sweeping sounds fill the room. On some level he knew what was about to happen before it did. It was too late to turn to Donna and tell her that he couldn't breathe. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, dying to himself.

He could hear Donna whispering to him questioningly. He could hear her soft voice over the humming in his head. He tried to focus on her. He tried to hear her words. He felt her hands on his face, turning him towards her. He looked into her blue eyes with a blank stare. He heardAinsley shout something to someone.He felt Sam's hand on his shoulder.

* * *

Sam Seaborn wasn't sure what was happening at first. 

He knew it wasn't good.

"Get Dr. Bartlett." He heard his girlfriend shout over his head to CJ, who had walked back up the isle after noticing something was wrong.

"Josh? Joshua? Look at me. Honey?" Donna was talking to him calm and clear like he was a child. Sam watched Josh's eyes try and focus on her face. "Look at me. It's okay. Just keep looking at me." Her voice was tense and fast. He did as he was told.

Sam looked up for a second before jogging over to the choir and pleading for them to stop.

"Donna?" Abby Bartlett ran back into the court house and up the isle to us. "What happened?"

"I don't know he just zoned out." Donna pushed his hair off of his face. "The music.."

"Josh?" Abby leaned over cupping his chin in her hand. Josh's eyes flipped to hers. He saw in them.

"Here." Ainsley handed a bottled water to Donna who was rummaging through her purse. She had cast a glance towards the doors to make sure they were the only ones in e room before she pulled out a prescription bottle.

"Donna?" Sam jumped when he heard Josh's voice. It was weak and far away.

"It's okay, everything's okay." She looked at Dr. Bartlett. "Here." He put the beige pill in his mouth and she held the water up for him.

"Josh? How are you feeling?" Abby gave him a scrutinizing glance. He looked at her and nodded. She rubbed her hand down his back.

"Tired." His voice sounded like he had been sleeping for days. He took the water from Donna and took a drink. His hands shook. He looked back at Donna, she took the bottle. "I'm ready to go."

Sam was pretty sure if Josh got up he'd fall over.

"Lets just sit here for a minute." He started to protest Donna's request until he saw her face. He nodded. He jumped as the First Lady reached for his wrist and started talking his pulse. Donna looked up at Sam. He sat down on the other side of Josh.

"Dr. Bartlett? The motorcade needs to leave ma'am." She nodded at her agent. "Should I tell them to go?"

"Donna?"

"Thank you Dr. Bartlett, I can take it from here." She said quickly.

"You'll watch his blood pressure?" Donna was nodding at the First Lady. "Call me if you need anything?" She nodded again. She kissed his head in a motherly gesture as she got up. His eyes briefly flashed in his direction.

The four of them sat there for a minute, Sam looked up at Ainsley. She put her hand on his shoulder.

A small sound brought him back. Josh's eyes were wide, then he slammed them shut. His hands tightened in Donna's grasp.

"Donna?" Sam looked at her when Josh said her name like a plea.

"Oh God!" Donna yelled her eyes flashing to Sam. "The motorcade! The sirens, Sam you have to tell them to turn off the--."

Sam Seaborn started running. He madly started dialing his phone, lookingback at his friend.

Donna put her hands on the side of Josh's face, covering his ears and bring her forehead against his. He gripped her arms at the elbow. "It's not real, Josh. You're okay. It's not real." His head nodded against hers in tears.

"It's not real." He repeated as if he was trying to convince himself.

"CJ turn off the damn sirens!" Seaborn shouted behind him. "No, of course he's not okay. Turn them off."

One by one, they listened to the alarms stop firing. Donna was wiping the tears of Josh's face.

"It's okay, Josh. I'm here.You're okay." Sam put his hand on Donna' back to comfort her.

* * *

Donna Moss was angry. 

She'd missed the signs. She'd let her guard down. She'd let Josh down. She looked at his sleeping body curled on his side in the bed. She traced her finger across his cheek and looked up at the ceiling.

How many times had that happened without her here? How many times had he laid on the floor shaking with out her?

What if Santos had seen this. The very idea of what that would do to Josh frightened her. She kissed his head and walked back out to Sam and Ainsley, sitting hand and hand on Josh's sofa. It was then she noticed the ring on Ainsley's finger.

"Is he all right?" Sam said softly not noticing the look of shock on Donna's face.

"Why didn't you tell me you two were engaged?"

"Well, Leo's funeral didn't seem to look like the right place." He said guiltily.

"I don't know, I think he'd be thrilled."

"Yeah, but shouldn't there be some period of mourning where you can't be incredibly happy, or something?" She saw Sam take notice of the embarrassed grin that flashed across her face.

"Yeah, well, we kind of blew that all to hell too. So?"

"He proposed at the airport this morning." Ainsley whispered smiling at Donna and then to Sam.

"I'm really happy for you guys." She smiled at Sam.

"We're really happy for _you_."

"Yeah, lucky her. She's fallen in love with a mentally defective workaholic who can't here music at a funeral with out going in to shock." Donna jumped at the sound of Josh's voice.

"Yeah, I and it only took me eight and a half years to catch him." She said lightly. His mouth twitched in an attempt not to smile. He couldn't help it, and she knew it. "It was his disgust with self pity that drew me to him."

She wrapped her body around his. He sagged against her slightly before looking at Sam.

"You know she's a republican right?" He said, muffled beneath Donna's shoulder.

"Oh my God!" Donna smiled at Sam's mock horror. "You are! Thank you for clearing that up Josh, it explains why she won't vote for me."

"I voted for you!" Ainsley screeched slapping him lightly on the arm.

"Yah, but only because you like to eat." He laughed. "How you feeling, Buddy."

"Like I got hit by a train." He flopped down on a chair, his hand still in Donna's. She sat on the arm of the chair, stroking her hair. "It'll pass. I'll be fine tomorrow." Donna cringed. How many times? How many times had he been through this alone? Josh looked up her, feeling her subtle movement. He squeezed her hand, pulling her down into the chair with him. "You guys heading back tomorrow?"

"No, we're gonna stay the week. You?" Sam looked from Donna to Josh.

"We've got to get back to Illinois. We've missed three days, this late in the game is like three weeks." Sam nodded in understanding. "We leave tomorrow at.." He looked at Donna. "When?"

"About one." She smiled at Josh. "Do you guys want to meet us for an early lunch at the airport?"

"Sure." Sam stood up pulling Ainsley with him. "I'll give you a call in the morning." Donna raised an eyebrow. "In the actual morning, not a DC morning. 9:30?" She nodded.

"Sam?" Josh called weakly as they got to the door.

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations. You're a lucky man." Donna saw Ainsley smile with Josh's words of approval.

"So are you." Sam said pointedly looking from Josh to Donna.

"Don't I know it." He said with all seriousness. When they were gone, he looked back at her. "I know it."

Her lip shook and he kissed it. She wanted to ask him how often this had happened. If he'd told anyone else. If he had ever wanted to call her in the middle of the night.

"I'm okay." He said, reading her eyes. "I am. It only happened oncewhen you were… in the last year."

"When I left." It wasn't a real question.

"A few days after." He admitted. "We were coming back from something. CJ was yelling. The motorcade started, sirens blaring as usual. They were playing 'Hale to the Chief.'" He chuckled sadly. "Of all things to…"

"Josh.."

"It was all a very normal scene in the life of the White House Deputy Chief of Staff." He sniffed and she touched his face. "It was okay. I mean, not okay, but I got through it." She raised her teary eyes at him. "Donna please don't cry."

"I left you." She squeaked sinking her damp face into his chest. "You needed me, and I wasn't there."

"You came back." He reminded, echoing the words she'd spoken to his three days ago. "You're here now."

"I promise you I'll never go again." She told him.

"You told me that already." He reminded her, her memories drifted back to last night.

"I mean it."

"What you didn't mean it last night?'

"No, I defiantly meant it last night."

"I know." He sighed and burrowed his face into her strawberry scented hair. "I'm tired, Donnatella."

"Lets go to bed." She said softly. "We can sleep in tomorrow. This may be our last chance to do that in.. well, ever." He laughed at her realization as he let her lead him to the bedroom.

"Donna?"

"Humm?"

"Where's your stuff."

"My what?"

"Well you told me you gave up your apartment, but you never told me where your stuff was."

"Will's place." She waited to see if Josh would get upset. He smiled catching that thought in her eyes.

* * *

Josh Lyman was on a mission. 

He neededto feel like he was a capable adult. He wanted to feel like he could take care of Donna. Hereached for her phone and hit speed dial two.

"Bram? Yeah. Look I need you to call Bonnie over at the West Wing and set up a time with Will Bailey tomorrow when you can have Donna's stuff brought to the townhouse. I don't care, call a moving company, get a hernia, use an intern just get her stuff from there to here before we get on the plane tomorrow." He muttered something about getting good help and hung up the phone.

"What's that Josh? Move in with you?" She looked at him, acting like he was talking backto her. "I don't know. Do you think it's too soon? What kind of girl do you take me for?" She twirled her hair around her finger. "What's that? You can't live one more second with out me? Well since you put it that way…" She flopped down onto the bed where he was sitting. "We need a new bedspread."

He smirked at her smiling face, pushing her down with him onto the mattress.

"I'm fragile. Care for me."

"Josh."

"Oops. Rules voice."

"You need to sleep."

"I know."

"You scared me today."

"I know."

"The next time we're in DC your having a full cardiac work up."

"Yes Ma'am." He pulled her to him, holding her close to him on the bed. She buried her head into his chest. "Donna?"

"Don't ever do that to me again, Josh."

"Okay."

* * *

Leo McGarry was dead. 

Leo was dead and life had to go on. Jed had a country to run and a disease to fight. CJ had a President to protect. Josh had a Candidate to get elected. Sam and Ainsley had a life to begin.

Sam and Ainsley sat in the airport with the Santos Camp.

"What's ahead of you guys now?" Ainsley asked looking from Josh to Santos.

"Josh?" Santos turned towards the other man. Josh smirked picking at salad Donna had made him order. He was not the shaky man from yesterday, gone was the frustrated angry campaign manager. He was Josh now.

"Well, we go on just how we've been. We find someone who will commit to Leo's position when we're elected and make the announcement."

"Mallory said she'd be available for PR." Sam said, receiving a round of curious gazes.

"She offered!" Ainsley laughed. "He didn't ask her or anything!"

"Do we have anyone in mind? For VP?" Matt said looking briefly at Helen before settling on Josh. Josh and Donna exchanged glances.

"We have some ideas, but nothing real yet." Josh shook his head, looking down at his salad for a minute, then at Donna.

* * *

Leo McGarry was dead. 

CJ Craig walked into the Oval, she and Jed Bartlett exchanged glances before settling in for Sr. Staff.

The listened to Will explain the latest rumors about who the VP candidate would be as her eyes drifted back to Bartlett. Her eyes scanning over him looking for anything she should see.

He was looking at Will, but CJ knew he wasn't really. He saw the way the pen flicked impatiently in his hand. It was a waiting game now. The clock was ticking. It would all be over soon. Bartlett looked at his Chief of Staff, a slow smile pulled across his lips. CJ found herself returning it.

It had been a good ride.

* * *

Leo McGarry was dead. 

Matt Santos had left DC with a whole new outlook on his Campaign Manager. He watched Josh and Donna on the charter plane. The pushed pieces of paper back and forth across the small table between them. One would unfold the other's VP suggestion and read it. So far, Matt had heard laughing comments about how he thought Matt Damon might be busy for a while.

Donna screamed in horror something about over her dead body and a girl named Amy.

There was mentions of a pair rather accomplished felines and several members of the New York Mets.

In the end, he decided, this whole Presidential thing --might just might work out all right.


End file.
